Weekend Long Read: Howl Yeah

Have you ever been bullied? Ever been relentlessly mocked in person and on social media just for existing in a space where the "cool kids" didn't want you? 

Have you ever been a fan of a TV show and emotionally invested yourself in the characters or plot even though it wasn't a trendy series that everyone was talking about? Ever enjoyed a musical act that wasn't on top-40 radio, or loved a band that the indie-cool taste makers insisted was vapid garbage?

Have you ever worked for a company whose management structure is in complete disarray and the executives are out of touch with the problems on the floor, but the employees work hard anyhow?

Have you ever supported a candidate for political office only because you believed that the media was being unfair to him(or her)? Have you ever supported a cause that seemed hopeless because you knew in your heart that you were right and they were wrong? 

 

Okay, I'm being overdramatic here. Let me zoom in a little...

Have you ever been a fan of an underdog sports team? I don't mean a decent-to-good team that's expected to lose a close playoff series to a title contender. I mean a team that is struggling to pay their bills, find a home, win over fans, complete a rebuild, hire competent management, draft players who aren't racist abelist assholes, spend the league-mandated minimum amount of salary, and convince everyone that they aren't an incompetent clown show. 

No? Well, you will be. Because I'm going to convince someone reading this to become a fan of the..

Before I lose any non-hockey fans reading this, think of a team like the Oakland Athletics, Tampa Bay Rays, or Miami Marlins. Do you see a lot of neutral fans dunking on these franchises and constantly berating them? If you're like most baseball fans, you're not calling for the Athletics to relocate unless or until every possibility of keeping them in the Bay Area has been exhausted. Yes, it seems like the A's have been trying to find a new home for-ev-err, and no, they're not going to field a competitive team until a) they get a brand new state-of-the-art facility or b) a salary cap forces them to spend a minimum amount. Neither option seems to have any chance of happening.

The Rays' stadium is not much better, and it's in a lousy location - similar to the Coyotes' former home in Glendale. The Marlins... still aren't very competitive, but their existence isn't an affront to "real" baseball fans.

Remember when the Sacramento Kings almost moved? Small market, lousy team with a long playoff drought. Who would even miss them, right? They didn't move, and now they're leading the Pacific Division. And would you look at that - their attendance figures this season are better than the Knicks, Bulls, Lakers and 76ers. :shocked Pikachu face:

But this is the NHL we're talking about. Hockey isn't the most inclusive sport, to say the least. In fact it's very elitist. The Council of Real Hockey Fans™ will mercilessly berate your favorite team and demand its relocation if they:

• play in a warm-weather city (Panthers, Lightning, Hurricanes, Kings, Sharks, Ducks, Knights, Stars, Predators)
  
  
• finish dead last in attendance (Sabres, Senators, Islanders, Hurricanes, Panthers)
  
  
• can't keep star players in town (Flames, Canucks)
  
  
• miss the playoffs for five consecutive seasons (Red Wings, Senators, Sabres, Devils)
  
  
• fail to win a playoff round in their first decade of existence (Devils, Blue Jackets, Lightning, Jets, Predators)
  
  
• leave a Canadian city for a U.S. city (Avalanche)
  
  
• nearly relocate and need the league's assistance to stay in town (Blues, Penguins, Oilers)
  
  
• go bankrupt or are on the verge of bankruptcy (Penguins, Sabres, Senators)
  

You may be wondering why I added playoff droughts to the above list. If your team is in a "non-traditional" market, near-immediate on-ice success is imperative toward building a fan base. The Sharks, Panthers, and Golden Knights checked this box. The Coyotes did, too. On the other hand we have the Blue Jackets and Thrashers. Neither were successful in their first decade, but the northern franchise had a stable ownership structure while the southern franchise... didn't. Neither team was last in the league in attendance despite the seemingly endless mediocrity.

Watching the Atlanta Thrashers fly north to Winnipeg almost overnight makes me want to fight for the Coyotes. Not just cheer for them, fight for them. At least us Whalers fans got to say goodbye to our team. Atlanta didn't even know their team was leaving until after the season ended.

More than a decade later, there are still a lot of misconceptions about why the Thrashers moved and the Coyotes didn't.

Emily is correct here. ASG refers to the Atlanta Spirit Group, the consortium that owned the Thrashers and NBA's Hawks. Technically, Inter is correct also - in that Gary Bettman cannot dictate what a franchise owner does with their franchise.

We'll get to the player management portion in a minute, but first I need to settle something once and for all: Gary Bettman does not own the Coyotes, and the NHL has not owned them for nearly a decade. Alex Merulello owns the franchise and, as Inter Autosport pointed out, you can't tell people what to do with their private property.

Our POTUS has reminded me that some people just can't be moved by facts. The vultures (in mostly Canadian cities) are still circling and pecking at our beloved Coyotes, squawking about how no one cares about this godawful team in Arizona and wailing about how the league should somehow step in and force the franchise to move somewhere with "actual hockey fans": Quebec City, Saskatoon, Letterkenny... wherever. As long as it's north of the 49th, eh?

Some Winnipeg fans (who still haven't given Gary Bettman credit for his role in bringing the Jets back at the first available opportunity) felt bad for Thrashers fans. They had no quarrel with the good folks in Atlanta. It was Phoenix they were after. That franchise is ours and we want it back! Enough with this failed experiment of hockey in the desert!

Is it failed though? How do we even know? The Coyotes haven't had an owner and a building in place since the days of Jeremy Roenick and Keith Tkachuk. Bettman has given this franchise several lifelines, primarily because the Phoenix market is the 11th largest in the country. But their ownership is stable now. Repeat: their ownership is stable. And yes, they're playing in a 5,000-seat college rink called (you can't make this up) Mullett Arena. 

These are fans that have suffered through fifteen years of instability and uncertainty: who own the Chiefs? Will this team even be here next year? They deserve better.

This May, the city of Tempe is going to vote on finally giving this franchise a permanent home. If they vote "no" then I wouldn't blame the owner or commissioner to start looking at relocation - Houston, Quebec, Letterkenny... wherever.

But! If the arena is approved and the Coyotes stay in state.. they've got a chance to reward the eternal patience of their small but loyal fanbase with something special.

Root for these guys regardless. They've been through a lot -- and they might be coming to your town in the near future.

The franchise continues to lose money and as a result they have had to trade several established NHL players. As mentioned in the tweet, management acquires a lot of "goddamn contracts" and "retained salary". This is basically bookkeeping: other teams are paying Arizona to retain a portion of a player's contract so that those teams can fit under the salary cap ceiling and the Coyotes can exceed the cap floor.

What do the Coyotes get for doing the rich franchises a favor? Draft picks. Lots and lots of draft picks.

This team has sooo much draft capital to play with! And by the time the entry draft rolls around, the young players who hear their names called by GM Bill Armstrong will know if the team is staying and playing in Tempe or not. Add these players to the three first round picks Arizona had last year, along with the young players already on the roster and... what's the opposite of "F*** Them Picks"?

Let's meet the future stars of your new favorite team:

Logan Cooley (3rd overall) -- 5' 10", 174-lb Center. Currently playing at the University of Minnesota.
Conor Geekie (11th overall) -- 6' 3", 196-lb Center. Currently playing for the Winnipeg Ice of the WHL.
Maveric Lamoureux (29th overall) -- 6' 7", 197-lb Defenseman. Currently playing for Drummondville of the QMJHL.


Arizona has the fifth-best odds (8.5% chance) to win the lottery and select uber-prospect Connor Bedard 1st overall. They won't. Shane Wright was considered the top prospect in 2022 but Arizona passed on him and selected Cooley instead. Bedard won't fall to them, and they won't win the #1 pick.

It's amazing how many lifelong hockey fans actually believe that Gary Bettman has somehow favored this franchise and swear that he will rig the lottery in their favour -- even though they have never won the lottery ever. (Meanwhile the Oilers and Devils combined owned more than half of the #1 overall picks in the 2010s.) The Coyotes have never even picked second overall. And do you know why they don't draft that high? 

Because this team won't tank. 

Even with their supposed minor-league roster, they're still ahead of the Blue Jackets, Blackhawks, Sharks, and Ducks. They're not waiting for the next Connor McDavid or Auston Matthews to save them.

If Connor Bedard comes to the Coyotes, that would be great. But he's probably going to Columbus or Chicago because Arizona is too good this year. And if Arizona does what Toronto did to get Matthews and Edmonton did to get McDavid, Canadian fans will cry foul without a hint of irony.

Now's the time to jump on the bandwagon. Watch these young players grow. Amaze your friends with knowledge of Matias Maccelli, Juuso Valimaki, and Jack McBain.

Follow this franchise as they rise from the ashes. What was once a dumping ground for toxic contracts could soon become pro sports' next dynasty if they play their cards right.

Have you ever played a sports video game in franchise mode? I haven't done it in years, but I'mma do it right now.

First thing we do is package up some of those picks for a top-pair defenseman. We need one now that Jakob Chychrun is gone.

Maybe Maveric can be that guy eventually, but he'll need a tutor. The oldest player on this blueline right now is 31 year-old Patrik Nemeth and no one else is over 26. More veteran leadership would help. We don't want our goalie, the hard-working Karel Vejmelka, to get bombarded with 50 shots a night.

The next draft will add more young talent to our stable. Let's stop collecting contracts of injured and unplayable veterans and build around our young core of Clayton Keller, Nick Schmaltz, Dylan Guenther, and Lawson Crouse. On second thought, don't get too attached. Maybe we'll trade a couple of those guys to make room for Cooley, Geekie, and the gang. It's like Dime Box Nick said - we're rooting for laundry. So why not root for this laundry:

Homer, find your soulmate

If the Coyotes win the Connor Bedard lottery this summer and the Tempe plan is approved, then maybe just maybe they can persuade a certain 2024 free agent to come home and play for his boyhood team (it worked for the Leafs and John Tavares.)

If they don't get the arena built and they have to move, the Coyotes have the potential to build an instant winner in their new home - just like the Colorado Avalanche did in the mid 1990s. Perhaps they'll share a city with another pro sports franchise that finished dead last for several seasons, stockpiled high draft picks, and built a perennial championship contender.

Get in on the ground floor. Jump on this rocket before it takes off. Become an Arizona Coyotes fan.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk. Have a great weekend!




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