I've had anxiety all month. It started with the interview at the staffing agency, which I thought I stumbled through. Then I managed to schedule two interviews in one day, which led to four days of reminding myself that you cannot blow this. You have to get one of them. You have to get out!
So I was worried over nothing. Okay, got the job. Great!
Well, now I have to tell the staffing agency that I am no longer in need of their services and tell my boss that I'm leaving. I put off the former and stumbled through the latter.
I had dreamt of marching into my boss's office and having the "I quit" conversation for years. I really wanted it to come out a lot better than it did. But, whatever, it's done. And so is a week's worth of conversations with my co-workers about when I'm leaving and where I'm going and what's the job like and "He told us he doesn't have time to hire anyone." Which implies that "I'm already overworked and now I'll have to do your job, too. Thanks a lot, jerk."
Only one more week of this to go..and then I get to say all my awkward good-byes. I'm not good at good-byes. I'm not good at greetings, either.
I met most of the people I'll be working with when I interviewed last week. They didn't know I'd been offered the job, and when the one guy said "Take care." or whatever, I paused. You'll see me again. I don't know that guy's name. I don't even know who to report to, or what will be expected of me other than writing collection letters.
In moments when I am not choking on anxiety, it feels like a dream. Is this actually happening? A picture of a prank formed in my mind, wherein I appear at the new place, ready to start my first day and no one recognizes me. Like they have no idea who I am or why I'm there, and they definitely did not hire me.
It's possible I've seen one too many Twilight Zone episodes.
For that reason, I e-mailed my contact at the new place before e-mailing the staffing agency. Hi there, just wanted to confirm that you remember me, and that I've actually been hired before I officially stop looking for work. Thanks!
If I sound especially neurotic, it's because I've been a tightly-wound ball of nerves all month and I wont be able to relax for another nine hours. Today will be the first day in nearly a decade that I will have to work a full 9-to-5 day. On a Friday, no less.
Also, I woke up at 6:30 a.m. (haven't been able to sleep nearly as much as I need to) and finished Anna Kendrick's memoir Scrappy Little Nobody. Some of her narrative may have crept into this post. "The crazy wants out."
Sometimes celebrities try to appear as awkward and inept as the rest of us, but I'm not sure how many of them actually are. Anna is the real deal.
I don't think I've seen any of her films, other than Trolls and a few out-of-sequence chunks of Pitch Perfect but I'm definitely a fan. In fact I think I'm developing an affinity for petite thirty-something actresses who are super chill, progressive, neurotic, and have voiced a princess in an animated blockbuster (haven't forgotten you, Kristen Bell.)
See, this is what I do when I'm nervous. I distract myself to minimize the anxiety. The cards in this post are the only two First Day Issue parallels I was able to find in my collection. Thought I had a Whalers card, but apparently not. You can't even really tell that they're First Day parallels. I got the Nunez in a flat-rate box of cards I bought on eBay. Couldn't tell by the front that it was a parallel; the serial numbering on the back tipped me off.
Anyway...wish me luck, y'all. Have a great weekend!